I was thinking last night about how it is a bit ironic that we decided to close this record with "first born." After all, it is a song that I wrote while trying to convince myself to leave in the first place and essentially create what became this story. I thought, if the story is to be conveyed sequentially (which it is) then shouldn't this song be at the beginning? I decided to test the theory. I closed my eyes, opened my ears and tried to detach myself from the situation as much as I could. I listened all the way through and tried to figure out whether we made the right decision, after all, hindsight is 20/20. Well, 37 minutes and 2o seconds later I concluded that in fact yes, we definitely made the right decision. When you reach track 10, the story has come full circle and maybe that's the most important lesson of all. Yes I got up the courage to go for it and I was able to accomplish some of the goals that I had set out. But in the end, even with those successes, I ultimately reached the same point of desperation and self-doubt that had forced my initial exit. A different day, a different state, but the same emotions.
So much of the message I hope to get across with my songs is that while you may not have the exact same dreams and aspirations as I do and while and you maybe haven't been in the exact same life situations that I have, the parallels of our "stories" are unavoidable. We are all shaped and therefore intertwined by our steps both forwards and backwards. In the same way that I as a 14 year old kid with no real sense of the distinction between love and infatuation could completely relate to Rivers when he sang about being tired of one night stands and questioning why he couldn't "make love come true," you, as whoever you are chasing after whatever it is that you are trying to grasp, should easily be able to relate to my own fears when I remind myself that "letting go has an ally, it just hasn't caught you (or in this case - ME) yet." These are universal emotions. We all feel the same things. The only difference is that (thankfully) you all aren't as incessant as I am on tracking the details. But then I never much cared who jen, lynn, catherine, denise, sharise or even louise really were. All that mattered to me was that while Rivers and I were both busy trying to figure out why we were alone, the second our thoughts connected, we no longer were.
So much of the message I hope to get across with my songs is that while you may not have the exact same dreams and aspirations as I do and while and you maybe haven't been in the exact same life situations that I have, the parallels of our "stories" are unavoidable. We are all shaped and therefore intertwined by our steps both forwards and backwards. In the same way that I as a 14 year old kid with no real sense of the distinction between love and infatuation could completely relate to Rivers when he sang about being tired of one night stands and questioning why he couldn't "make love come true," you, as whoever you are chasing after whatever it is that you are trying to grasp, should easily be able to relate to my own fears when I remind myself that "letting go has an ally, it just hasn't caught you (or in this case - ME) yet." These are universal emotions. We all feel the same things. The only difference is that (thankfully) you all aren't as incessant as I am on tracking the details. But then I never much cared who jen, lynn, catherine, denise, sharise or even louise really were. All that mattered to me was that while Rivers and I were both busy trying to figure out why we were alone, the second our thoughts connected, we no longer were.
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